i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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