I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
