Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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