It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
