Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
