so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
