The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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