ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
