talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
