he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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