she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
