Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
