Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
