I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
