You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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