Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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