why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
tell me about the fingering
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