hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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