my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
