if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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