Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
