tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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