Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My life is pants optional.
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