The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
