I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
