6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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