Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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