i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
