my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
