i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
