Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
