my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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