Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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