I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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