I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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