is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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