I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
