I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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