At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
