drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
