I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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