I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
