It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
