Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
