Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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