hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
True strength comes from lack of pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
