dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
