at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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