C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
