I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
