Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
