well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
