What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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