I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
