Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
porn star boner night. come get it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
