Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
