dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
